Baby · Humour · Me

Telling it how it is…

So as I lay here as some kind of narcoleptic upturned turtle at 36 weeks and 3 days pregnant I’m starting to wonder… will this ever end? I’m sure in 4-6 weeks I’ll be questioning why I wished these last precious weeks away! But hey let’s have a laugh at my expense… why not! 

Here’s several things I am looking forward to post pregnancy… 

  • Gin & pornstar martinis (however they are partly responsible for the bladder kicking creation inside me!) but really any alcoholic drink will suffice. Last June… that’s when I last had a drink… 
  • Cheese, Camembert specifically…
  • Then as a total contradiction Slimming World, (wonder how many syns are actually in a Camembert? Fuck it I’m having it anyway!) there is a certain loveliness to eating what you want & not having to care but how many Wispas can a girl eat? I’m eager to try and get some kind of post preggo bod back… but all in good time. 
  • Bras… REAL BRAS!!! Instead of the M&S Mrs Doubtfire nude (is anyone’s skin actually THAT colour?) contraption you can handily expose (your now sagging veiny tit) at the click of one plastic snapper.
  • I was going to say my jeans, however in all honesty the Topshop Leigh skinnys haven’t seen daylight since summer circa 2015 but there’s a Tesco stretch pair that could make a comeback 😜
  • Fake tan, I know that there’s no reason not too now… except the fact it’s near physically Impossible to reach certain areas
  • One of those “areas” being my bikini line, wow I’m looking forward to being able to take care of that with out a mirror and a mutter of “it will have to do!”

The list could go on… and on… hope it made you crack a smile & here’s to eating Wispas during the 4am feed muttering something about sleep deprivation offsetting subs… 
H x 


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